I believe in reincarnation. I also believe that in each life, we have a lesson to learn. I've always wondered what lesson I'm supposed to learn in this life.
I think I'm figuring it out.
Have you seen those movies--or even in real life--the people who, when someone punches them or kicks them, get back up with their fists raised, ranting, "Hit me again! Fucking hit me again!"
I always felt SO sad for those characters. I thought, Sheesh. They must have had a horrible life, be so broken down, that they would actually beg for someone to beat them down more. How sad is that? Just asking for more pain? More torture? More sadness?
I'm starting to believe that I didn't get it at all.
I have three goals in life: write 100 novels (am I crazy??); a secret goal; and earn a black belt in taekwondo. (I won't complain about a couple degrees to that, though.)
But see, these three goals are incredibly important to me. I always thought that drive was something forced, something one needed to muster. That's not right, either. It's something you discover, and once discovered, there isn't a thing you can do to tell it to shut up. It's a flowing thing, an enthusiastic thing, a happy thing.
So y'all know I'd finally gotten my foot fixed. I've lived through three months of pain. It's getting better, but now my women's class in the mornings has been canceled.
At least I can still go 1 - 3 Saturdays a month.
And today? Well, someone rear-ended me. I thought, no big deal. Hurts a little, but no big deal. Now I can't move my neck, it hurts to talk, it hurts to chew, and it even frickin' hurts to swallow. My back is killing me and I'm so totally nauseous.
To my surprise, I got pissed this evening. My first thought, after the accident, was that now I can't go to taekwondo tomorrow (I hadn't received the email confirming that I couldn't anyway, yet). My second was, oh no. Now I've got to miss seven hours of writing time this week to take care of the car, and to go to the doctor.
That's when I got mad. I felt like I bounced right up, fists raised, actually looking forward to the fight to get what I want. Not because I felt so broken that I wanted to be hurt more, but because I was really looking forward to kicking some ass outta my obstacles and winning my goals.
What lesson do you think you're supposed to learn, this time around? I'm thinking that I'm supposed to learn to keep trying until I succeed, no matter the obstacles.
So about the possibility of me failing to achieve my goals?
I gotta tell you, life, universe, whatever ... over my fuckin' dead body! And I mean that literally. Bring it on!