Monday, December 04, 2006

Bring it ON!

I believe in reincarnation. I also believe that in each life, we have a lesson to learn. I've always wondered what lesson I'm supposed to learn in this life.

I think I'm figuring it out.

Have you seen those movies--or even in real life--the people who, when someone punches them or kicks them, get back up with their fists raised, ranting, "Hit me again! Fucking hit me again!"

I always felt SO sad for those characters. I thought, Sheesh. They must have had a horrible life, be so broken down, that they would actually beg for someone to beat them down more. How sad is that? Just asking for more pain? More torture? More sadness?

I'm starting to believe that I didn't get it at all.

I have three goals in life: write 100 novels (am I crazy??); a secret goal; and earn a black belt in taekwondo. (I won't complain about a couple degrees to that, though.)

But see, these three goals are incredibly important to me. I always thought that drive was something forced, something one needed to muster. That's not right, either. It's something you discover, and once discovered, there isn't a thing you can do to tell it to shut up. It's a flowing thing, an enthusiastic thing, a happy thing.

So y'all know I'd finally gotten my foot fixed. I've lived through three months of pain. It's getting better, but now my women's class in the mornings has been canceled.

At least I can still go 1 - 3 Saturdays a month.

And today? Well, someone rear-ended me. I thought, no big deal. Hurts a little, but no big deal. Now I can't move my neck, it hurts to talk, it hurts to chew, and it even frickin' hurts to swallow. My back is killing me and I'm so totally nauseous.

To my surprise, I got pissed this evening. My first thought, after the accident, was that now I can't go to taekwondo tomorrow (I hadn't received the email confirming that I couldn't anyway, yet). My second was, oh no. Now I've got to miss seven hours of writing time this week to take care of the car, and to go to the doctor.

That's when I got mad. I felt like I bounced right up, fists raised, actually looking forward to the fight to get what I want. Not because I felt so broken that I wanted to be hurt more, but because I was really looking forward to kicking some ass outta my obstacles and winning my goals.

What lesson do you think you're supposed to learn, this time around? I'm thinking that I'm supposed to learn to keep trying until I succeed, no matter the obstacles.

So about the possibility of me failing to achieve my goals?

I gotta tell you, life, universe, whatever ... over my fuckin' dead body! And I mean that literally. Bring it on!

5 bonus scribbles:

StarvingWriteNow 12/05/2006 06:55:00 AM  

Take care of that whiplash, dear. You don't want neck problems on top of everything else.

Bernita 12/05/2006 09:28:00 AM  

To me the interpretation of those scenes would have been Just TRY hitting me again!
Sometimes, attitude is all we have.

spyscribbler 12/05/2006 11:16:00 AM  

Wow, whiplash is more than it's laughed up to be! Ow. It just keeps getting worse! Thank goodness I've got a genius stepbrother to fix it!

Bernita, I was WAY off on my interpretation. Live and learn! And sometimes it's the best thing we have, I think. :-)

writtenwyrdd 12/05/2006 08:57:00 PM  

I got rear ended twenty four years ago, and didn't go to the doc because it didn't hurt yet. Meanwhile, I was shipping out (in the military) and had to escort a half dozen crated patrol dogs to Hawaii. I was on a flight three hours after the accident and on that same flight for seventeen hours as it bounced all over the US before it dropped me in California. Then another day on a C5 getting to Honolulu. The long and short is I never got to the Doc, and to this day I can't look over my right shoulder without developing a bad headache or sometimes a migraine.

Moral? Don't ignore whiplash.

And I'm sorry that chaos has happened. Have you ever seen the movie The Secret? Might be a good time. It gets me out of a funk, anyhow!

spyscribbler 12/06/2006 04:53:00 PM  

writtenwyrdd, Oh my goodness! That sure is a moral. I'm sorry that happened.

I checked out The Secret; it looks fascinating! I just might watch it tonight. I need to get back to a more, er ... even-keeled life, LOL. Thanks for the link!