Thursday, February 22, 2007

Jack Bauer Jokes: Thursday Thirteen #5

Thirteen Funniest Jack Bauer Jokes Courtesy of NOT RLY
  • 1.) On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.
  • 2.) When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
  • 3.) When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.
  • 4.) Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
  • 5.) If everyone on "24" would just follow Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
  • 6.) Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
  • 7.) When Jack Bauer used Herbal Essences, the shampoo had an orgasm.
  • 8.) If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
  • 9.) Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
  • 10.) Jack Bauer is currently involved in a complex law suit with the California Department of Justice due to their attempt to ban Jack Bauer as an "Assault Weapon". Jack maintains he is primarily used for hunting and target shooting, and is quite safe to have around families.
  • 11.) Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  • 12.) When Christopher Henderson tried to shoot Jack, his gun was, in fact, loaded. The bullets were just too scared to come out.
  • 13.) Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first.

Do you have a favorite?

I wonder. Why can't we continue Thursday Thirteen without the site? I hate to see it go; it's fun to get to know everyone!

15 bonus scribbles:

Raggedy 2/22/2007 09:50:00 PM  

Thursday Thirteen has come to an end.
I have enjoyed my visits here and consider us friends.
Thank you for sharing your thirteens with me.
The comments you left me filled me with glee.
It is hard to believe it is really true.
I am trying very hard to not be blue.
Happy TT'ing!
*^_^
(=':'=)
(")_ (")Š
Raggedy

Joely Sue Burkhart 2/22/2007 10:20:00 PM  

Heh, looks like I'm missing quite the show. I never watched 24. Happy last TT. :-(

Susan Helene Gottfried 2/22/2007 10:55:00 PM  

Are those for real? They're funny as hell!

Thanks for stopping by West of Mars; hope you'll continue to. Always nice to chat writing with someone who gets it.

Di 2/22/2007 10:57:00 PM  

After seeing our 11 year old friend endure kidney stones with nary a whimper, we said she would be the new Jack Bauer. They would be pulling her fingernails out and she wouldn't give it up! High tolerance for pain!

Kate S 2/22/2007 11:03:00 PM  

LOLOL - those are great. Thanks for sharing. :)

Alyssa Goodnight 2/22/2007 11:29:00 PM  

Awesome list! Hilarious. I love Jack Bauer and I'm hooked on 24.

Happy T13!

Joan Swan 2/23/2007 12:12:00 AM  

ROTFL. Great ones! I love 24!

What's up with TT gone? I'm not up on the recent developments.

How did you add that code for auto-links to blogspot? Mine keeps rejecting them. :-(

Richard 2/23/2007 02:24:00 AM  

Jack Bauer? Not heard of him before I'm afraid. Is he on American TV? Mind you I always though Paris Hilton was a hotel in France until last week. Anyway thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

Rob Brooks 2/23/2007 05:54:00 AM  

"Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun."

Cracks me up.

Christine 2/23/2007 07:12:00 AM  

ROFL!!!! I love these!! I love Jack. :)

Thanks for stopping by. Don't be a stranger. :)

Annie 2/23/2007 08:51:00 AM  

I'm hopefully going to continue with TT even if it's "officially" over. :)

Amy Ruttan 2/23/2007 09:11:00 AM  

Very funny. I could so see that in my mind.

I'm still going to do my lists on Thursday.

Happy TT! Thanks for dropping by mine.

Darla 2/23/2007 10:49:00 AM  

Oh, these are great! Definitely too hard to pick a favorite. Besides, I wouldn't want to make the others mad at me. ;-)

Jill 2/23/2007 11:14:00 AM  

Loved the 24's 13, lol.

Mercy's Maid 2/23/2007 04:17:00 PM  

I'm not a 24 fan, but these made me chuckle. Thanks!