Kid talk has become a sore spot for me. It’s not people’s fault, it’s mine alone. I read a post on a loop that just hit that sore spot.
Some mothers just go on and on about how kids are the best thing that ever happened to them and they’re a new person, and then they graciously say that it’s okay for those who don’t want kids to not have them.
They very kindly say that it would be worse for a parent to have kids when they didn’t want them, than to have no kids.
Well, gee. Thanks.
You know, sometimes it’s not much of a choice. You can’t just push a button and order up a kid, for crying out loud. There are TONS of people who would love to have kids, but can’t, for various reasons.
And what if it was a choice? The assumption of that statement is that if you choose not to have kids, you’re protecting the unborn kids from your would-be bad parenting.
You know, people that choose to NOT have kids (or are unable to have kids) would not be bad parents, if they had them. There are a ton of factors that go into such a decision. A whole lot of them would probably make just-as-good parents as most others. They’d be good, bad, and in-between, just like everyone else.
I really hate that assumption.
I have hereby decreed to myself that I will never talk about having or not having kids in those terms. If I’m lucky enough to have them, I will never say that they made me a whole new person, and that I’m such a better person for it, or that they completely gave my life meaning.
I’m sure it would be true, but I don’t need to rub it in anyone’s sore spot. You never know if the person you’re talking to is aching to have kids, but due to whatever circumstances, can’t.
And then they act as if their life is so much busier than yours, so much more important. Like you have TONS of time on your hands, considering you don’t have kids.
Yeah, right. Let’s see you run three businesses and tell me that your life is busier than mine. You, at least, get rewarding smiles and hugs and love from your kids. That makes it a hell of a lot more worthwhile than unstable paychecks and people who never pay at all.
On the other hand, I DO love to hold babies, look at the pictures of people’s kids, etc. I don’t mind at all hearing the endless discussion of diapers and bowel movements and baby food slopping everywhere.
*sigh* I’m sure I’ll get used to the best-thing-ever-happened-to-me talk, at some point. Maybe I’ll learn to joke about it, and say things like "Kids? Ick! Who wants the mess?" Maybe I’ll learn to shrug. Maybe I’ll learn just not to care.