Have you ever given your stuff to someone to read, while you’re sitting there? Where you feel that slightly panicky feeling, and you’re trying not to look over their shoulder, but you are? Where they laugh, and you’re like, "What page are you on? What line made you laugh?"
And then when they mention something they like about the story, you watch as they read on, a bit terrified about whether or not they’ll still like how it will turn out in the next chapter?
Well, I feel that panic in the pit of my stomach all the time!
My pseudonym gets her stuff published serially, (one chapter a week), and then the novel/la is packaged up and sold as an ebook and POD book six months or so later.
Well, I’ve been hearing from readers a lot more this year, and I have to tell you, it’s terrifying. They write me after they read Chapter One (and they won’t get Chapter Two until next week), and as nice as they are, I sit near tears wondering if I’m going to disappoint them by the last installment.
It’s just terrifying, sometimes. I’m so addicted to hearing from readers, but ... gosh, I just get so nervous. Tess Gerritsen talked about that feeling awhile back, so I bet it never, ever goes away.
Don’t get me wrong. If I don’t hear from readers, I convince myself I did a terrible job, that I let them down. But when I hear from them before the last chapter? I have this insane desire to run and do another read-through and edit, and make sure that it’s the best I can do, you know?
Getting the check, that’s cool. Signing the contract, that’s cool. On my recent essay, touching the book is cool (yes, I held the book for hours, stroked the shiny cover for hours), and so is seeing my real name in print (it’s smudged now, because I kept pointing it out to DH, as if he hadn’t seen it five minutes ago or the fifty times before that). All wonderful feelings.
Reader mail is beyond awesome--life doesn’t get much better than that. Heck, I even feel proud to pay my taxes, like it officially makes me a writer.
But I always wonder if authors who say they’re excited for their release date are kinda forcing themselves to be excited for marketing purposes.
I just got the nicest email about my first chapter, and I feel panicky and scared that I’ll let her down by the end of the novella. Part of the problem is that I wrote it months ago, so I barely remember it, even though I poured everything I could into it.
Strange, given this panicky feeling, but when a reader writes to express disappointment in something, it doesn’t bother me so much, unless I feel they’re right.
I don’t get this feeling when I write, either. Maybe that’s why I tell myself I write for the money. If I "remembered" that someone would read it after I got the check, I’d probably paralyze myself into writer’s block!
Yikes. This writing stuff is some crazy stuff. Or maybe I’m the crazy one, LOL.
Anyhow, busy weeks from he** are over! I get to write today! Actually, in two minutes I’m leaving! I can NOT wait!!!!!
Have a great weekend!