Friday, August 10, 2007

I Hate the Phone

I hate the phone.

Passionately.

I only talk to my best friend on the phone, about once a month, and DH, only when he’s gone. Otherwise, if I’m going to talk to someone for an hour, I meet them. Or email them. I don’t do chatting on the phone.

But I’ve spent two hours on the phone, trying to get some information from a stupid bank. They keep transferring me around, and every other transfer is to the customer service department.

Except humans don’t answer at the customer service department.

They want me to SPEAK into the phone. I’m not even allowed to push buttons, I have to SPEAK.

This infuriates me, because the damn computer NEVER understands my voice. Not only that, but they don’t even give the OPTION to talk to a human.

So I try to speak lower, I try to speak more clearly, but every time the same thing happens. I try louder. I try to make the pitch of my voice lower and talk louder. I try to enunciate every single letter.

After the damn computer tells me a million times that they don’t understand my response, I start pushing the "0" button furiously. When that doesn’t work, I end up yelling into the phone "HUMAN! OPERATOR! HUMAN! GIVE ME A F*CKING HUMAN! HUMAN BEING! REAL PERSON! JUST LET ME TALK TO SOMEBODY!!!!!"

During which, the computer keeps interrupting to tell me it doesn’t understand. Finally, it hangs up on.

Now see, I was perfectly fine with the phone banking that allowed you to push numbers, especially when all it took was pressing the zero button to talk to a human.

But now?

It just sucks.

8 bonus scribbles:

Liz Wolfe 8/10/2007 01:27:00 PM  

I feel your pain. Makes you want to track them down and do a Jack Bauer on them, doesn't it?

spyscribbler 8/10/2007 01:32:00 PM  

Oh. My. Gawd. Yes.

How is this helpful, when my only option now is to go into the bank? They don't even want us to do that!

avery 8/10/2007 02:10:00 PM  

I'm glad I'm not the only one who flips out on that machine. I start answering every question with, "F*ck you." It's amazing how angry I can get in such a short span of time. Thirty seconds of that and I'm almost smashing the phone against the nearest hard surface.

spyscribbler 8/10/2007 02:36:00 PM  

Avery, yes! I mean, I get angry now and then, but when it comes to that thing? I just lose it. I mean, I literally scream at the phone.

In my entire life, I've gotten that mad maybe three times. It's just so frustrating! Now that I'm not mad, I feel like curling up and crying.

Do they really need to ruin our day?

I can't wait until DH gets home. He usually handles the phone thing, LOL.

Erica Orloff 8/10/2007 06:34:00 PM  

omg, YES!!! They NEVER understand me. I enunciate. I think I am spekaing clearly. Nothing.

HATE IT. Since I became a Buddhist, I am less aggravated than in my "old life." Ten years ago, I might have killed someone over it. ;-) But it's still damn annoying.
E

Kate S 8/11/2007 08:43:00 PM  

OH...MY...GOD

YES! You just hit on one of the things I hate most in this world - the @#$^%$%$ telephone in all its sinister forms - cell, push button, remember thirty pound rotary?

And yes, the worst of all - they don't even have "Push 1 for yes" anymore, yet they can't understand Y.E.S. Si, Da, yes, yes, yes, you bastards, I said YES!!!

Ok. I'm going to lie down now. :)

At least we're not alone in it, Spy, though I'm not sure how much that helps.

avery 8/11/2007 09:24:00 PM  

Then, when I finally get a hold of a real person I have to start with, "Okay. I'm trying not to flip out on you, because it's not your fault..." I think I'm reminding myself of that fact more than I'm actually telling them.

spyscribbler 8/11/2007 11:33:00 PM  

Wow, Erica! If Buddha can teach me that sort of serenity, I'm there.

Oh Kate, I know! After I posted this, I tried another round of phone calls. And then someone HELPED me. After hours on the phone, someone finally helped me, and I burst into tears. Why should it be a three hour ordeal, just to call a stupid bank?

LOL, Avery! I hear you. When I get to a normal person, I have such a hard time turning off my temper. And then they prolong the conversation with sales pitches! I hate that! I literally have to interrupt them and talk over them. I thank them nicely, say goodbye, and hang up. I don't have time to listen to five minutes of sales pitches!