Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Thirteen More Jack Bauer Jokes & A Winner

Summer is a tricky time for Thursday Thirteens, but here I am again! I’m sorry for my sporadic participation. Who else is looking forward to school starting and a return to a "regular" schedule?

The winner, thanks to, of the last Thursday Thirteen contest is Commenter #33, Karen Olson! (And I loved her title suggestion: Assassin by Night.) Will you email me at spyscribbler at gmail? Or I’ll eventually remember to email you, LOL. I’ve been doing so well at email lately, too ... (hah!)

This week’s book-to-win is Cherry Addair’s Edge of Fear. To win, just tell me the TV show that you’re looking forward to the most, this fall. Or the TV show you’re currently watching religiously. I need to program my DVR with some more interesting content. I guess that’s the problem every summer!

And now, because I miss 24 and my one post of "Jack Bauer Jokes" is the number one reason people visit my site, at least according to my statistics ...


Thirteen More Jack Bauer Jokes

  1. Jack Bauer doesn’t speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
  2. Jack Bauer teaches a course at Harvard entitled: "Time Management: Making the Most Out Of Each Day."
  3. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you’re fucking dead."
  4. Quentin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
  5. Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
  6. Jack Bauer once killed a group of Samurai Warriors with only a ball point pen. This lead to the phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword."
  7. Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"
  8. Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
  9. When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You’re in good hands with Jack Bauer"
  10. Jack Bauer was once shot. The bullet was killed on impact.
  11. Jack Bauer cannot stick his elbow in his ear, but he can stick your elbow in your ear.
  12. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
  13. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

Join in the Thursday Thirteen fun!

23 bonus scribbles:

Susan Helene Gottfried 8/08/2007 10:09:00 PM  

I'm still clueless about Jack, but that bit about the elbows was amusing.

TV shows? Dethklok, of course! (wait. I think the name of the show is Metalocalypse, but you get the idea. Adult Swim. September 25, coinciding with the release of the Dethklok album.)

But even more, I'm looking forward to school starting. Sort of.

Liz Wolfe 8/08/2007 10:41:00 PM  

LMAO. Those are great! I had to email them to the husband.
As for TV shows...
Looking forward to Criminal Minds. Mandy Patinkin is leaving but I've heard rumors that Geena Davis will be joining the cast.
Also, looking forward to Season 7 of 24, but I still have to watch seasons 4, 5, and 6.
As for what I'm watching now...
Kyle XY
Burn Notice

Ed 8/08/2007 11:25:00 PM  

Sounds like I have to check out 24. Great list and thanks for the laughs.


The Crux 8/09/2007 12:48:00 AM  

Tooooo funny. Thanks for the laughs.

StarvingWriteNow 8/09/2007 07:09:00 AM  

I tell you, I can't wait for the next season, just to make fun of it.

Rhonda Stapleton 8/09/2007 08:07:00 AM  

ROFL--did you write all these jokes?!?! They are hilarious.

The show(s) I'm looking forward to: The Venture Brothers and Metalocalypse. THEY ARE SO AWESOME!!!

Anonymous,  8/09/2007 09:11:00 AM  

SO funny! Jack Jack Jack..what will be ever do with you?

Happy TT!

Faithful 2 U 8/09/2007 10:47:00 AM  

Cool blog!

Ann Aguirre 8/09/2007 12:47:00 PM  

You know, I've never seen this show.

colleen 8/09/2007 06:22:00 PM  

Wow what a reputation! OO7 and then some. Very well said. I think you should run the ad campaign for the show.

OpenChannel 8/09/2007 06:53:00 PM  

SS - That's too hysterical. I spewed my coffee when I read #5 and #9. Did you make those up?

We sold our TV right in the middle of season #5 (I've been watching 2nd runs here in Canada). It's one of the few shows I miss.

You must help me, miss closet poet, I've joined the Monday Poetry Train and I'm using my TT this week to have people pick which poem to write. Check it out!

(none of them are haikus)


Christine d'Abo 8/09/2007 07:33:00 PM  

OMG I love 24! This had me cracking up. I love Jack! Great TT! :)

Anonymous,  8/09/2007 08:25:00 PM  

LOL! Jack sounds like a great character! #'s 5, 7, and 10 particularly cracked me up!

Happy T13, and thanks for visiting mine!

Sherry 8/09/2007 08:51:00 PM  

Hilarious! I'll be passing those along to my daughter who introduced me to 24 last year. We've watched Seasons 1, 2, and 6 -- which kind of kills the suspense but what can I say?

And don't forget . . . Jack Bauer can get anywhere in the continental US in 10 minutes. No kidding. Anywhere.

Lisa Andel 8/09/2007 09:13:00 PM  

I'm with the "who is Jack Bauer" group, but these were still funny.

Vicki 8/09/2007 09:24:00 PM  

Love the TT. I do like the show and watch it each season. Last season was not the best to me by far. It was almost painful to get through.

With Hero's now coming back for their second season I'd say 24 will have to kick it up to keep the viewers.

Joy Renee 8/09/2007 11:26:00 PM  

24 is not my cuppa but i can still see the humor in these.

thanx for visiting

Alyssa Goodnight 8/10/2007 09:18:00 AM  

I like the new look, and now you've made me yearn for a new season of 24!

Lately I've been watching Psych and Stand Off, and I LOVE How I Met Your Mother!

Qtpies7 8/10/2007 09:28:00 AM  

LOL I love Jack Bauer jokes! My whole family gets a kick out of them.

ERiCA 8/10/2007 09:38:00 AM  

I haven't seen the show, but the jokes are pretty funny!