Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The Guilts, The Fears

The instant I decided to do this thing, to spend the month of November writing just for fun, the guilts set in.

(Until Avery mentioned that he couldn’t do Nano because he could never not edit for a whole month. Then I cracked up so hard I cried. I guess you have to be me to think that’s funny. Let’s just say, it never once occurred to me to actually follow the rules.)

But after that, the guilt returned, and the uncertainty. The flood of excuses and worries and reasons we need the money. The worry that DH deserves a nice Christmas, the cats need this, we need that. It’s a gamble, writing for real name. I love poker, but I’m not much of a gambler, LOL ...

If you’ve been around for awhile, you are rightfully rolling your eyes at me.

Yeah, I know. Just write.

So, will you do me a big favor? Will you please keep me honest? What can I do for you in return? I gotta spend one month really writing the real-name novel. I have to. And, damnit, I’m gonna have fun doing it, even if it kills me. Just for fun, just for me.

Do you ever resist doing something that you want, resist doing what you know is good for you, resist doing what you know you should do? What is up with that? And how do you beat that stupid resistance?

10 bonus scribbles:

Erica Orloff 10/09/2007 04:26:00 PM  

Of COURSE I do. :-)

As a mom of four, I am last on my own list. I would like that to be different, but there are days when I crawl into bed, exhausted, and think, "I didn't even say hello to God except for five minutes this a.m." Or "I forgot to stop and eat." I can come up with a ZILLION reasons for not writing something fun, for not writing what brings in the $$ right now, for not writing period. But the fact is life isn't a dress rehearsal, so I have to suck it up and go for it. So . . . Spy, I KNOW you can do it!!
E

Michele 10/09/2007 07:46:00 PM  

What--guilt and fear? Me? Nah...Bwahaha! Yeah, right. But only on a daily basis. ;-)

You can do it, Spy!

And hey, I've decided I'm going to try NANO this year. I'll cheer you on.

spyscribbler 10/09/2007 08:28:00 PM  

LOL, Erica. Amen! I keep telling myself that. What am I waiting for? Life isn't a dress rehearsal, as you say. (*blush* and thanks!)

Michele, I'm gonna cheer you on, too! Only on a daily basis, LOL ... I love it. It's going to be fun!

(Notice how I keep saying that over and over? I'm gonna believe it, too, I swear ...)

Loreth Anne White 10/09/2007 11:23:00 PM  

You can do it Spy !! We'll be here cracking the whip to make sure you do :)

Is it fear of failure? Fear that the real thing, once you roll up your sleeves and dig in, will never match up to shimmering idea or dream in one's brain?

I think this is sort of why I don't get round to checking my lottery tickets (well not for a while) because there is always the *possibility* I won :) The dream is still alive and shimmering. If I check, the dream is dust.

But if we don't roll up the sleeves, it aint gonna happen ...

Anissa 10/09/2007 11:45:00 PM  

I'm the queen of guilt. You deserve to do this. For you. Go for it, girl!

I'm following your lead and doing more for myself too. :)

Kate S 10/09/2007 11:56:00 PM  

Beat it? I wish I knew...

Good luck to you. :)

StarvingWriteNow 10/10/2007 06:44:00 AM  

I resist exercise with all my might. Oh, yes. But those days are coming to an end because I really must make a change. I hope it bleeds over into the rest of my life as well.

Edie 10/10/2007 01:50:00 PM  

I know I should eat less sugar. Probably cut it out altogether. Sigh.

Spy, this might turn out to be the best thing you've ever done. Go for it! Your husband and your cat will do without a few toys. You need to do this for yourself.

spyscribbler 10/10/2007 03:03:00 PM  

Loreth, I think it's the fear of wasting my time, LOL. Which is probably the same thing.

And I LOVE lottery tickets! I love dreaming over them. Definitely worth the $3 a week!

Anissa, guilt must be inbred in women or something! Yay for doing something for yourself. Why is that so hard?

WriteNow, I've been resisting exercise, too. But maybe if the foot keeps on the upswing, I can get back to Taekwondo. Hey! You should come take Taekwondo with us!

Edie, sugar is my downfall. Gosh darn the stuff, I swear! Why does it have to be so good?

Ello 10/10/2007 06:18:00 PM  

Last year I signed up for Nano and totally failed miserably. I'm a little afraid to sign up again. But if I do, I'll definitely cheer you on!