Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Not Today.

Okay, I wrote this post last week, but was afraid I was posting too many of my neuroses at once, LOL. Since today has been a draining teaching day, my brain is fried and you get to read it! :-)

As it turned out, I ended up writing my thousand words that day, and even had a good time. Writing is such a strange sort of habit...

Strangely enough, every few months I have a day where, if someone told me I had to write today, I’d growl, pull my lips back, and imagine ripping their throat out with my teeth.

Um, yeah, really, that violent a feeling.

And then I won’t write a word, not a single word. I won’t read a book, I won’t do anything to do with writing. Even though the day before, I couldn’t wait to get back to writing.

I’m not sure where this comes from, but I suspect it’s to do with resenting the need to work every day, all day long at one job and then another, or maybe it stems from not feeling like emotionally going where the story needs to go, or maybe it’s a mixture. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s just that love is close to hate thing, or maybe it’s just some cousin of passion, or some strange instinct that has decided to ensure that I let the WIP set on the back burner for one more day.

Still, I go to Borders and sit. On these days, I force myself to write at least 100 words, even if I hate every second of it. Usually that’s enough to make me feel better and return to normal.

Paradoxically, as my writing time nears an end, I feel panicked that maybe I won’t get to write. Maybe my story is going to disappear if I don’t write today. Maybe I’m missing some stroke of inspiration that might happen, if only I sit, write, and open myself to it.

So I guess I’ll write anyway.

One of these days, I’m going to stop blogging about my writing neuroses, LOL. Goodness, what’s up with me lately? Ever have feelings like this?

4 bonus scribbles:

Edie 10/03/2007 08:55:00 AM  

Erica wrote last week about the need to recharge. We all need a mini-recharage once in awhile. Other times it's hard for me to write is when I don't know where I'm going with the story. Since I'm a pantser, this happens a lot.

And I have fears all the time. I think that's why I eat so much chocolate.

spyscribbler 10/03/2007 09:56:00 AM  

That's true, Edie! Honestly, I think, in 20/20 hindsight, it was more of a rebellion about writing about something I wanted but couldn't have at the moment. And I needed chocolate desperately, LOL.

avery 10/03/2007 01:22:00 PM  

I absolutely do, and it's usually after a very productive day, like you said, where I'm dying for the next day to start so I can keep going.

I think you hit the nail on the head with us thinking we're turning our fun into work. Even though I long for it, I still dread the day that brings deadlines to my writing life.

spyscribbler 10/03/2007 02:50:00 PM  

The wonderful thing about them, though, is they force you to sit down every day, and then you're "there" when inspiration strikes. That's always a lucky break!