Okay, I wrote this post last week, but was afraid I was posting too many of my neuroses at once, LOL. Since today has been a draining teaching day, my brain is fried and you get to read it!
As it turned out, I ended up writing my thousand words that day, and even had a good time. Writing is such a strange sort of habit...
Strangely enough, every few months I have a day where, if someone told me I had to write today, I’d growl, pull my lips back, and imagine ripping their throat out with my teeth.
Um, yeah, really, that violent a feeling.
And then I won’t write a word, not a single word. I won’t read a book, I won’t do anything to do with writing. Even though the day before, I couldn’t wait to get back to writing.
I’m not sure where this comes from, but I suspect it’s to do with resenting the need to work every day, all day long at one job and then another, or maybe it stems from not feeling like emotionally going where the story needs to go, or maybe it’s a mixture. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s just that love is close to hate thing, or maybe it’s just some cousin of passion, or some strange instinct that has decided to ensure that I let the WIP set on the back burner for one more day.
Still, I go to Borders and sit. On these days, I force myself to write at least 100 words, even if I hate every second of it. Usually that’s enough to make me feel better and return to normal.
Paradoxically, as my writing time nears an end, I feel panicked that maybe I won’t get to write. Maybe my story is going to disappear if I don’t write today. Maybe I’m missing some stroke of inspiration that might happen, if only I sit, write, and open myself to it.
So I guess I’ll write anyway.
One of these days, I’m going to stop blogging about my writing neuroses, LOL. Goodness, what’s up with me lately? Ever have feelings like this?