Monday, December 10, 2007

What's Invisible.

My brain, evidently, shuts down when I’m eating healthy. It’s very strange, life without the food I’m sensitive to. I have all this energy, but I don’t know what to do with it. It’s like being in a foreign body, a little uncomfortable. I don’t know how to think in this body.

You must think me strange, but this is true.

No wheat or dairy or sugar makes me feel incessantly happy. It’s really like being high, I suppose, but I never got into the whole drug thing. I suppose I just need to adjust to the feeling. I didn’t particularly feel unhappy before--I was just, normal.

Do normal-normal people feel like this all the time?

It’s very strange, that we humans crave the familiar so much we’re willing to be unhealthy and less happy just so we can keep things the same.

I just finished The Little Prince (thanks for mentioning it, Erica!), and like all good stories, I immediately want to read it again. No, I actually wished I could have a child so I could read it to her every week. (Which is, of course, the best reason to have a child, LOL ...)

One of the many lessons The Little Prince teaches is that things and people become meaningful by how we care for them. And the flower we love is different from all the others, because of what’s invisible inside.

(And since I’m still dying for chocolate and sweets, I’m going to be lame and bring this back to food.)

All the food I can’t eat, like hot pudding and cheesy pizza and creamed chipped beef, have so much meaning because they were given meaning at some point in my life. What’s invisible inside is like a soul of memories I’ve put into my beloved foods.

So now, when I feel like I want a cup of hot chocolate with fresh, homemade whipped cream dolloped in the middle, I need to pair those feelings of being loved and cared for with a cup of miso soup. Or a pot of tea.

Oh, boy.

My brain really isn’t working yet in this condition, is it?

Here’s a recipe for Oatmeal Raisin Cookies that has nothing I can’t eat:

3 Bananas, mashed
2 Cups Oats
1/2 C. Raisins (or any dried fruit, chocolate chips, nuts, the kitchen sink, whatever’s around ... I sometimes use more than 1/2 cup.)
1/4 C. Olive Oil
1/4 C. Almond Milk (or soy milk, or rice milk ... or real milk, if you’re allowed.)
1/4 teaspoon Vanilla

Mix all, let stand for 5 minutes.
Spoon onto cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees for 15 - 20 minutes.
Infuse with love and memories.

9 bonus scribbles:

StarvingWriteNow 12/10/2007 06:28:00 PM  

Well, I'm certainly glad you're happy! Though, for me, miso soup doesn't exactly have the same "delicious" ring as, say, double chocolate cake.

Seriously, though, I need to take a page out of your book and eat healthier!

Erica Orloff 12/10/2007 06:51:00 PM  

This is actually a beautiful post. Spy. So true. The smell of Listerine, for example, reminds me of my grandfather. It has this other invisible meaning to me that is so wonderful that I actually LIKE smelling it.

As for caring for things . . . I think of The Little Prince's rose . . . and know I want to nurture all my babies.


spyscribbler 12/10/2007 08:44:00 PM  

Me, either, Writenow. I'm trying, though! I hope I can stay on the wagon. I've gone for years, but since DH, it's been hard. His food looks so good!

Thanks, Erica! That's like my dad's cologne. When someone wears it, I want to cry, but it feels good, too. I haven't smelled it in years, though.

I know you're an awesome mother. Heck, I wish you'd been my mom, LOL! If all kids could be so lucky!

Christa M. Miller 12/10/2007 09:42:00 PM  

I'm going to forward this to a friend, who has similar issues, like I do! I've really been struggling lately. It's totally stress but it's harder than it ever was before to kick myself in the butt and be disciplined. That was even true when I did have dietary restrictions. Is there a certain age where that happens?

spyscribbler 12/11/2007 12:44:00 AM  

I wish I knew, Christa! I try not to lapse into the "it's not fair!" whining, but ... it's hard. Especially when you watch others eat the foods you love.

It is getting a tad easier with each day. Good luck, Christa!

Aimless Writer 12/11/2007 05:32:00 AM  

No wheat, sugar or dairy...sounds like a good idea! I think you've inspired me. Although, I never eat wheat (Celiac!) its probably the hardest thing to eliminate due to the fact its in EVERYTHING! (and hides under other names)Now sugar...does that include chocolate? (Just kidding.) Again, i'm going to take your post as inspiration. I need to feel better...the stress of the past year has made me lose control.

avery,  12/11/2007 09:13:00 AM  

I haven't read the Little Prince since twelfth grade French class. Since my French was abysmal, I don't think I absorbed much.

You must have a good deal of willpower to give up sugar. It's my main vice.

Edie 12/11/2007 09:38:00 AM  

Like Avery, sugar is my main vice. I haven't eaten breakfast this morning, and I'm getting hungry reading your blog and the comments. Olive oil sounds interesting in a cookie recipe.

I haven't read The Little Prince in years. I should read it again too.

spyscribbler 12/11/2007 03:17:00 PM  

I'm sorry, Aimless. Wheat is in everything! And dairy is in everything else! I feel like a grasshopper or something, I've been eating so much salad and vegetables.

Avery, my secret weapon is DH. I ask him not to let me eat sugar on any account, no matter how much I beg. Me? Willpower? Not when it comes to sugar.

It was a great read, Edie! If you substitute Olive Oil for butter, then add a bit of salt into the recipe. (Most butter has salt, and you'll miss that flavor in baking.)

I don't miss it. Butter is a little bit yummier, but not a great deal.