Thursday, January 24, 2008

It's a Crazy World in my Head.

I have trouble waking up. This is putting it mildly. The only time, in the last few years, I have successfully been able to wake up without five alarms and a two-hour ordeal, was when I was on hormone-fixing drugs, LOL. It is truly the hardest thing I do every day.

And trust me, it has nothing to do with my enjoyment or enthusiasm for life.

It’s so hard, that when I have to be up really early, I don’t go to bed at all. It’s easier for me to just stay up than to sleep for a few hours and wrench myself out of bed.

Reason will not work during this time. The brain will not work. Everything is all mixed up, and even if I know I desperately want to get up, I just can’t because my brain won’t think clear enough.

For example, this morning, I reminded myself that I wanted to have time to work on the website I’m making. But I had a flash of fear that it was wilting in the refrigerator. No, I thought, surely not, it’s only been a day.

But then I tried to remember if I had put the website in the same bag as the green onions, because those had wilted past the point of use in my weekly frig-emptying soup. If the website was in the same bag as the green onions, then it would be all slimy and green and icky.

No, I thought, I did not put the website in the same bag as the green onions.

Somewhere amidst this fuzziness, I knew I desperately wanted to get up, so I told myself to think of the things I wanted to do most, the things that really motivated me to repeatedly want to get up.

And, in the middle of a snowstorm in northern Ohio, I decided that I would motivate myself to get up by going for a walk on the beach along the ocean. Because suddenly I lived in a lovely little open-aired shack on the beach, and there was the ocean right out my window. And DH was standing on the beach right out my window, too. :-)

So I did, in fact, get up and take a walk along the ocean, enjoying the smells and the sunrise.

Then my alarm went off again.

*sigh*

Anyway, if you want to read something inspiring today, read this blog on falling down, and mentally replace "design" with "writing."

Pure genius.

9 bonus scribbles:

Melanie Avila 1/24/2008 12:00:00 PM  

LOL. It drives my DH crazy that I don't spring from bed at 6am when he does. I'm generally up by 7 or 8, but today was a little slow - 9am. Not ALL of us are morning people!

But please don't put the website in the fridge, it's bad for the links.

Zoe Winters 1/24/2008 12:27:00 PM  

hahahaha This is FASCINATING Spy. Are you maybe having lucid dreams? The getting up and walking on the beach then waking up again is pretty standard for a false awakening type thing. If you're not lucid dreaming you seem like you're at least on the cusp of it.

A few nights ago I remember having a semi-lucid dream. It was mostly like a regular dream except after I woke up I remembered that during the dream I was thinking and telling people "this is just a dream."

spyscribbler 1/24/2008 12:46:00 PM  

Oh, Melanie, I am so envious of your DH! My DH is the same way. I want SO MUCH to be able to get up early, I can't tell you. I love mornings.

I wish I didn't have to sleep, full stop.

Zoe, I don't know. I try directing them, but then they go in the frig with the green onions. It's crazy stuff. Alarms are going off every five minutes, so I'm definitely not in deep sleep!

Edie 1/24/2008 01:13:00 PM  

Maybe the beach walking was a kind of meditation. :))

I have a dog who needs to go outside, and that usually forces me to get up. I feel guilty if I don't. I'm a slave to my pets.

lainey bancroft 1/24/2008 01:45:00 PM  

I'm always up at the crack of dawn. Which in turn makes me a blithering idiot who puts the coffee pot in the fridge and the milk in the cupboard if I stay up much past eleven.

Hmm, can't say I've ever put my website in the bag with my slimy green onions. :)

Kate S 1/24/2008 07:55:00 PM  

So funny, Spy.

I feel you, though. I am NOT a morning person and with my new job I have to be out of here before 6am every day. Ugh.

Haven't left the website in the fridge yet, though it does seem to be wilting. :)

Travis Erwin 1/24/2008 09:54:00 PM  

And I thought I was bad in the morning. And keep you blog away from all greens, otherwise I'll have a hard time visiting since I'm pretty much a carnivore.

mom2brie 1/24/2008 10:37:00 PM  

Ah, waking up. Always difficult to do. The annoying thing is that morning people seem to be taking over. Things used to start around 9am, and now they start earlier and earlier!

Bailey Stewart 1/25/2008 08:42:00 PM  

I don't have a problem with waking up and getting out of bed, my problem is moving on from there. I just can't seem to get motivated to change out of my robe and pj's and do something other than sit in my big ol' chair and veg. Except on days when I work, but even in that case, I seem to be later and later getting out the door.

You're hysterical Natasha. Love the website and green onions.