Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Sheer Panic and Blind Faith

Good news first: DH will finally, definitely be home by Sunday afternoon. Thank GOD!  And, he is finally in range of Canada, so he can call me on his cell phone. Thank God again. I went a whole eight days without talking to him, which probably seems silly to you guys, but goodness. I really love the guy.

I've said it before: DH is invaluable, in that he keeps me writing through the rough spots. At some point, about the 70 - 85% mark, I panic.

I'm suddenly sure that everything I've written sucks, that where I'm going is awful, and that this story is going to be the one that makes my readers go, "Yuck! She's really gone off the deep end on this one!"

But I have the ending written, and only need to flesh out the tidbits I've jotted down before that, about 2,000 more words. I'm going to finish tomorrow.

Still, right now, I really long for DH to read through it and tell me it's okay. I kinda felt out my editor to see if she would look at things last week, but I got a "I'm sure it's fine" response.

I guess I'm on an ask-for-what-you-need quest. I noticed being simple and easy and not bothering my editor wasn't really establishing a relationship. Not that asking for help did much, either, but I consider the pseudonym an experiment and learning tool for the business.

Anyway, I'm pushing on, finishing. It's the hardest part far me, because I know as soon as I finish, it will be out there.

It's blind faith. I just keep going, gritting my teeth, my heart in a panic.

Writing the end is the scariest bit, for me.

And then there's sort of a weird distancing thing that happens. I just block the story out of my mind, and when readers write me, I go to a different place, where I'm one of those authors who are always confident and cool and sure of themselves.

Hah!

Once it's out there, I try not to look back, you know? It's done. I can't change it. So I'd rather not notice if there's anything wrong with it.  (Even though I ruthlessly go through, over and over, until I'm certain it's as perfect as I can make it.)  Did I ever tell you about the time I almost wrote back a reader, and told her she was mistaken, that another writer had written the story she was talking about? (Turned out, I did write it. I just forgot, LOL.)

Oh well. Do you panic near the end? How do you get through it? Leave it for awhile, go back, re-read, and realize you're not as crazy as you thought? Push on blindly? Elicit the encouragement and/or wisdom of someone else? Or do you go it alone?

11 bonus scribbles:

Rhonda Stapleton 4/01/2008 03:42:00 PM  

OMG I am so there now. ROFL. I'm 3/4 done with my manuscript, and I'm FUH-REAKING OUT. LOLOL. Anyway, I just make myself push through, tell myself it's probably not as horrid as I fear, then let it cool a bit before tackling editing...

StarvingWriteNow 4/01/2008 05:03:00 PM  

Hooray, DH is returning! I guess this means we won't hear from you for about a week afterward (wink)!

spyscribbler 4/01/2008 05:31:00 PM  

I relate! Oh, boy, do I relate, Rhonda! I've done most of my self-editing, already. I think the editing comforts me as I go along, and reassures me to keep writing. By the time I write the last word, it's pretty much done. Just needs one more read-through to catch a little thing, here and there.

But then my cooling periods happen once or twice a week, instead of after the book is done! Not good!

spyscribbler 4/01/2008 05:31:00 PM  

I'm so excited, WriteNow! Although, if I disappear, it's more likely because I'll be drowning in taxes.

Ick!

Edie 4/01/2008 09:27:00 PM  

I'm happy for you, Spy! I love the way you love DH so much. :)

I have two fabulous CPs, and they help me a lot during the "is this crap?" times. Who doesn't go through that?

It's so good with my CPs because when something is wrong, they tell me. So when they like it, I know they aren't BSing me. I want CPs who tell the truth, otherwise why bother?

Bernita 4/02/2008 09:36:00 AM  

I go it alone, though right now I'm at Rhonda's stage.
So glad DH is finally coming home!

Michele 4/02/2008 12:25:00 PM  

I went a whole eight days without talking to him, which probably seems silly to you guys, but goodness.

Spy! That's not silly at all! I'm so happy for you guys. This has been so hard for you.

Leave it for awhile, go back, re-read, and realize you're not as crazy as you thought?

Actually, I went through this with the novel I just finished writing! When I wrote the first draft, I kept thinking it was just "first draft stuff," but when I came back to it...it really wasn't as horrible as I thought! LOL. Sure it needed a bit of revising and some additional writing to fill in, but it wasn't the "See Jane run. See Jane stop and look at Ken." that I thought I had written. :-)

(actual characters's names were changed to protect the innocent) ;-)

I'm so glad your DH is almost HOME!!

spyscribbler 4/02/2008 01:13:00 PM  

Edie, that's awesome. It sounds like you have the best of all worlds!

I think I am the crazy type who, no matter who tells me it's good, I don't believe them. I believe criticism, though. It's silly.

spyscribbler 4/02/2008 01:16:00 PM  

Bernita, I can't wait! This morning was the first morning I stepped into the shower with a big smile on my face, in I-can't-remember-how-long.

I try to be happy alone, and I can be okay all by myself, but ... I want someone to celebrate my joys with.

spyscribbler 4/02/2008 01:18:00 PM  

Michele, I am so happy I can't tell you! I was smiling, really smiling all morning.

I feel the same about my WIPs. I recently read one of my first novellas, one I barely remember writing. I was astonished I could put together a sentence. Although it was lacking the ... nuance and experience I have now, I was completely astonished that I managed real sentences!

Amie Stuart 4/10/2008 10:10:00 PM  

I have finally come to accept that when I'm freaking out and feel like I've lost control (usually about 3/4 the way done), it's just a signal that ... I'm almost done! LOL