Sunday, July 27, 2008

A Carmina Burana Night

I actually wrote this post a couple weeks ago. Ever feel like this? I was a little embarrassed, so I didn't post it. And now I have to do a ton of work and can't think of any other thoughts today, so you get this one, LOL.

You cannot fully understand my mood unless you close all your windows, lock your doors, and put Carmina Burana on your stereo.

And you still cannot fully understand my mood until you turn the BIG stereo you have with BIG speakers on and put the volume at MAX, and then put O Fortuna on and put it on repeat for hours and hours and turn out all the lights and lay flat on your back with the wooden floor vibrating from the music.

It's not loud enough until the music rattles your windows and shakes your bones.

I have decided I am going to go ahead with the one-sentence novel and I'm going to title it Give Me A Break: A Novel.

Or would that be a memoir?

I want to write something terribly dark and tragic. My writing keeps getting darker, but I keep holding back (or changing it) for the happy ending. I feel like letting it all go and writing something completely, indulgently, brutally tragic.

I want to write one big, long, self-indulgent, 200,000-word darling.

Sometimes I feel like I keep trying harder and harder for whatever, and the harder I try, the bigger a hole I dig myself. I'm not quite sure what to do. If the universe wants me to do something else that much, fine, no problem. Just send me an email stating exactly what you would have me do so I don't get confused. Is that too much to ask?

PS: I have no explanation for the triumphant trumpets blaring in Major at the end except perhaps the sheer achievement of making it through the most melodramatic piece ever composed.

PPS: I've always been fond of cheese, in all its form. The former postscript is not meant to be construed as an apology.

21 bonus scribbles:

Mark Terry 7/27/2008 01:42:00 PM  

I like that, because both my wife and I have Carmina Barana days. We also have Chant days, too. Carmina Barana days are a kind of shake your fist at the universe day. Chant days are, I'm so stressed out I need cloistered monks chanting mellowly in the background before I go out and kill something.

Travis Erwin 7/27/2008 03:05:00 PM  

My first thought on every story I write is to turn it dark, so trust me I understand. But I usually end up with the happy ending in the hopes it will sell.

Michele 7/27/2008 04:11:00 PM  

Just send me an email stating exactly what you would have me do so I don't get confused. Is that too much to ask?

Spy, this is exactly what I went through one year ago...almost to the day. I just had no idea which direction to go and pretty much threw it out to the universe like this. A few days later, the answer came to me. I was surprised as heck. LOL! Of course, I'm still working on that goal, but I know I'm heading in the right direction now.

It'll come to you. And it's okay to have those "Carmina Burana" times! I love that. :-)

Karen Olson 7/27/2008 04:18:00 PM  

I never knew Carmina Burana until my daughter's choir sang it with the Yale Glee Club, accompanied by the Yale Symphony, in February. Amazing.

And as for writing what you want? I'm not the best person to give any advice on that, since I'm basically writing what my publisher wants right now, although admittedly, I've had a lot of fun with it once I resigned myself to it.

spyscribbler 7/27/2008 05:50:00 PM  

Mark, I had to order a few tracks of some chant. I forgot about it. Thoroughly wonderful and relaxing. Except I used to direct choirs; I'm very sensitive to the tuning, LOL.

spyscribbler 7/27/2008 05:51:00 PM  

Oh, Travis, you should try it sometime! Maybe we all should. Huh. I've never written a tragic ending. How do you end it?

spyscribbler 7/27/2008 05:52:00 PM  

Oh, Michele, I'm praying I'll get the same luck as you! PLEASE, dear universe!

spyscribbler 7/27/2008 05:54:00 PM  

Sounds amazing, Karen! Yale has a great music program. I think I always write what I want, sort of. I don't know. I write what I want that I suspect will sell, LOL. So, um. Eye always on the bottom line, I guess.

Edie 7/27/2008 07:39:00 PM  

Spy, you write the most passionate blogs. I imagine your books must be like that too.

I like what Michele said about the universe telling you what to do. I just had a complete turn-around in my direction. It was the last place I expected to go, but it feels so right that I know it is right. For right now, anwyway.

Robin 7/27/2008 10:10:00 PM  

I listened to O Fortuna on your blog, Spy. Then my couches started to shake, my dogs flew around the room, and Kevin's head turned 360 degrees. I never want to hear that again.

Zoe Winters 7/28/2008 02:41:00 AM  

hehe Spy, there's no reason to be embarrassed by this post. I find I write darker stuff under my erotica name and really a lot of it is more erotic thrillers, than I do with the paranormal romance. With the PR I have to try to keep the humor in check cause it can get too snarky and overdone.

I say write what you want. Maybe not everything is commercially viable, but somewhere along the way we stopped being artists and we started trying to write what's marketable, and that can suck your soul out through your nose.

Write whatever gives you a thrill to write it.

Bernita 7/28/2008 05:29:00 AM  

Yeah, these dark thoughts. I keep toning them down.

StarvingWriteNow 7/28/2008 06:31:00 AM  

Sometimes you just have to listen to those little voices. Unless they're telling you to blow up the post office or something like that. (I'd much rather write with you at Borders than at the county lockup, okay?)

And thanks for the youtube!

spyscribbler 7/28/2008 09:21:00 AM  

Edie, cool! I'll take hope from that. I'm not sure whether I write passionately or melodramtically, though. :-)

spyscribbler 7/28/2008 09:22:00 AM  

LOL, Robin! It's a powerful song, that's for sure!

spyscribbler 7/28/2008 09:24:00 AM  

LOL, Zoe, I will! Once I get the bills paid. :-) I don't think pseudo writes that dark. I don't know. I did express concern to my editor that I started out with the girl having the worst today of her life, LOL.

spyscribbler 7/28/2008 09:26:00 AM  

I need to more often, Bernita!

spyscribbler 7/28/2008 09:27:00 AM  

LOL, Writenow! So you're telling me if you get a call in the middle of the night to bail me out of jail, you're going back to sleep? LOL. :-)

Melanie Avila 7/28/2008 11:50:00 AM  

I started out wanting my current story to be dark, but it's only dusky. You know, still a little light, but hinting at the coming darkness? lol. My biggest decision is whether or not to kill the MC at the end. That was my plan all along, but I keep hearing people don't like the MC to die. Hmm.

spyscribbler 7/28/2008 03:03:00 PM  

LOL, Melanie, that's true. Don't you find it a little weird to roughly base something on your husband's experiences and then have him DIE at the end of your book???

:-)

Melanie Avila 7/28/2008 05:04:00 PM  

OMG! Would you believe that didn't even occur to me? Maybe subconsciously (you don't say...) that's why I've debated it. I also don't want it to be HIS story, so killing him would keep people from wondering.

I'll have to ask him how he feels about this, lol.