Friday, July 18, 2008

Change, Optimism, and Hope

It's funny: Wednesday I had the last-straw-on-the-back stress upset, and totally just dissolved into worry and freaking out.

You didn't notice, did you? :-)

It's funny how the whole oh-sh*t-what-am-I-going-to-do thing leads to interesting changes in our lives. It's funny how the universe feels compelled to see to it that we're constantly changing, and how the universe feels compelled to push us out of same old same old.

Or maybe it's not everyone. I don't know. I've known people who've lived routine existences. It strikes me as such a comfortable life. I mean, I like that I create my life, that things rattle around and even bang me up as they shake some interesting things loose.

I suppose some people might say I've had a rough life (a whole lot of people have had worse, I don't mean to suggest anything); I know many people who would definitely not enjoy my life. I've always looked back on things and thought: At least I've lived, I've experienced things. At least I know what it's like.

Is that a writer thing?

But sometimes I look at the routine, comfortable life with longing.

If someone had offered me a 9-5 job with health insurance, a steady paycheck, and a solid salary on Wednesday, I would've snatched it up in a second.

Today? I'm pretty sure not.

Not much has changed since Wednesday: certain things in my life that I don't want to happen are going to happen, certain things are going to continue to be the same for awhile, and I have to do a couple things I'd prefer not to.

I've moved forward with more momentum in certain areas of my life. I survived freaking out, LOL. Still, the circumstances didn't change.

But there's hope now, enthusiasm for change, and anticipation for a new year, a year that's going to be exciting because it's going to be different. It's going to be fun because it's going to be different.

I couldn't find that enthusiasm before. Now that I've found it, I know things will be okay. That kind of energy always brings in more business. Putting that energy out there always means lots of good things are coming. I don't mean to be woo-woo, but if you're self-employed, you can't help but think it's a scientific fact.

In the end, you start to feel grateful for those freak-outs. Well, I'm not sure I'd go that far. But they have a way of kicking us out of ruts, of shaking things up and making life more interesting.

So what about you? Have you head any big, stressful moments that compelled you to try something new or change things? Any moments of stress that you never want to repeat, but in retrospect, ended up giving you more hope and enthusiasm when you recovered? And that hope and energy brought good things?

11 bonus scribbles:

Dube 7/19/2008 12:03:00 AM  

What a great post! Ah yes, I've had those "freak out, uber stressful" moments that cause me to totally change course. In fact, that is one of the main reasons that I'm starting law school in August! :)

I do, on occasion, have moments like that where I feel compelled to move to another country, perhaps Australia (fun!) I might even do that someday. :)

spyscribbler 7/19/2008 12:06:00 AM  

This is funny, Dube, but on Wednesday I was seriously considering going to law school. :-)

Good luck! That's awesome. I hope it doesn't get too busy for you!

Edie 7/19/2008 10:37:00 AM  

I'd love to move to Australia. My CP just moved there. And their health care system is much better than ours.

Spy, great post! So glad you're feel much more positive. I know my cancer experience made me more compassionate and more open to focusing on the joy in my life. It taught me life was too precious to work at a job I hated.

Melanie Avila 7/19/2008 11:52:00 AM  

Spy, I'm glad you're seeing the light on the horizon. I have freak out moments about every month (hmmm...) and afterwards I look at my situation with a little more hope. Right now I'm stressing because I'll be spending a lot of money when I go home next month. It's unavoidable and will help us in the long run, but still stressful now.

I wouldn't trade my life, but I would alter a couple small things. ;)

spyscribbler 7/19/2008 12:17:00 PM  

Oh really? Edie, that's it. I'm moving to Australia and getting my foot fixed.

spyscribbler 7/19/2008 12:28:00 PM  

Melanie, I really hope you guys are free to choose your home wherever you want it. :-) I know that stress well. *sigh*

Edie 7/19/2008 05:16:00 PM  

Spy, if it weren't for family, I'd move. But I wouldn't want to be so far away from my son and his family.

Talk to Michelle about. She'll tell you about living in Oz. :)

Robin 7/19/2008 09:59:00 PM  

I used to pride myself on being calm, and a rock to others, but lately I've been a freak out mess! Maybe aliens have poisoned our water supply! I'm glad your freak out ended with optimism, Spy!

spyscribbler 7/20/2008 12:37:00 AM  

Robin, I used to be called a rock, too. I guess it's my turn to lean. :-) I used to be so strong. I feel like I've gotten weaker and younger with age.

spyscribbler 7/20/2008 12:37:00 AM  

Edie, I want her to tell me about living in South Africa!

Dube 7/20/2008 02:40:00 PM  

Spy - LOL! If you ever decide to go that route, let me know. I can give you some pointers. ;-)