Monday, August 18, 2008

Gratitude

DH said the weirdest thing today, that his work buddies were jealous that he had a wife so supportive. Which is totally bizarre to me, because how can we be anything but missing them while they are away? I don't understand how anyone could not be supportive, when they're stuck away from home.

Anyway, if I am supportive--which, for the record, I don't think I am, I just miss him--then I learned it from him.

DH is amazing in that he's supportive of everything I want. Like writing, piano, taekwondo. Whatever I want, he'll do everything in his power to help. He would never stand in the way. In fact, he's supportive to a fault. I have to watch and make sure he hasn't put off everything he cares about, hopes for, and dreams of, so that he can support me.

So anyway. Just missing him tonight. And thinking that's the one trait I love most about him. What about you? What one thing do you love most about your partner?

24 bonus scribbles:

Heather Harper 8/18/2008 01:38:00 AM  

"how can we be anything but missing them while they are away?"

I know! I totally do not get the gritchy wife gig.

Travis Erwin 8/18/2008 02:43:00 AM  

Her steadfast belief in me.

Erica Orloff 8/18/2008 06:47:00 AM  

Hi Spy:
Oh, I GET the bitchy wife/significant other thing. It's difficult to be supportive if you are working 45 hours a week and have four kids and dirty diapers and a house to clean and all the activities of daily living and your spouse is traveling and staying in hotels and ordering room service week after week (which is not what your DH is doing, I know, but there are plenty of couples whose division of job etc. is what I describe). When one parent is home so rarely they are greeted like the conquering hero and the other is "stuck" being disciplinarian or whatever. I think it's just easy to be weary of circumstance sometimes. Doesn't make it right. Doesn't make the person on the road, say, less lonely . . . but I think families--especially today--are being pushed to their limits financially and with that comes pushes on their time/exhaustion, too. It's not easy being the one at home.

E

Aimless Writer 8/18/2008 07:04:00 AM  

Oh I totally get this. When my kids were younger and I had the craziness of raising the young ones DH was always traveling. Hotels, room service and no responsibilities. And thats exactly when the car would break down, the furnace would go glitchy or something major would break. I felt like a single parent!
But I didn't complain about his traveling. Sure, I think he had it easier but he missed home and he really had no choice if he wanted to keep his job. So I tried to be supportive.
As the kids got older it got easier. Now when he has to travel I don't mind at all! lol ciao baby!

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 08:41:00 AM  

Heather, yeah, it really sucks. I don't understand being unsupportive when it's something that has to be done even though it sucks for both partners.

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 08:42:00 AM  

Nice, Travis. You've mentioned that before. That's a blessing, for sure!

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 08:47:00 AM  

Erica, I get the bitchy bit, too, I just don't get the unsupportive bit. I mean, he's working twelve hour days and it sucks. He hasn't had a single day off in two and a half months. What's not to be supportive? He's sending checks home!

I do get the bitchy bit, though. I mean, they don't get that REAL LIFE is going on at home. They may be working long hours, but so are we. And like Aimless mentioned, somehow everything falls apart and breaks when they're gone!

And pushed to their limits financially and time-wise, I get that, too. It's INSANE. If I made what I make now ten years ago, I would be in GREAT shape. I'd be perfectly comfortable, and would have a nice budget to spend like $300 or so on clothes and entertainment and books and going out, etc.

I don't know what happened, but when I sit down and do our budget, I cannot connect how much we are making with how much we are struggling. It's insane!

So yeah, I get the pushed to the limit bit, too. :-)

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 08:49:00 AM  

Aimless, yeah. As SOON as he leaves, everything breaks! It's insanity! And he wants me to go get this or go get that, and he doesn't understand that I don't have free time to go run errands! I just sent him a bitchy letter about that two weeks ago, where I was like, dude, I have to WRITE, we need the MONEY, and all these errands are taking up ALL my free time to write!

Edie 8/18/2008 10:49:00 AM  

A friend's husband is gone a lot on business. This last time both her small kids got the flu and so did she. She had to handle it all herself. Despite this, she's very supportive of her husband.

Whatever happens, my husband is always there for me. It's good to know you have someone like that.

StarvingWriteNow 8/18/2008 11:06:00 AM  

Sorry to say I'm currently partner-less, but if I had to pick a trait about The G that I liked most I would say his "full steam ahead" attitude towards life.

LaDonna 8/18/2008 12:43:00 PM  

He's always believed in me, and he loves well.

Your guy definitely sounds like a "keeper" too, Spy. I'm not saying my life is perfect, no ones is. But, I know I made the right decision in marrying my guy, 35 years ago. Oh, he's honest and trustworthy too. Major points in my book.

Melanie Avila 8/18/2008 01:55:00 PM  

Our anniversary is next week so I suppose I should be all flowers and lollipops right now, but eh. We're in a tough place in our lives but we do our best to be supportive. Lately it seems like we're at our best when we manage to direct our bitching at a common complaint (today it's the heat) instead of at each other.

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 01:56:00 PM  

Writenow, that's a great trait! I want that trait. "The G." I love that!

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 01:59:00 PM  

That's awesome, Edie. It makes life a lot easier, just knowing that.

I'm sorry about your friend! My guy is so unhelpful when I'm sick. It's pitiful. Even if I get a horrible flu from him after he was 104, and I get the same thing crying in my sheets, it takes begging for him to even bring me water.

That's one of those cons you forgive for all the pros. :-)

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 02:00:00 PM  

Ladonna, that's awesome. Honest and trustworthy are fabulous traits. Man, we could build quite a dream guy from this list!

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 02:01:00 PM  

Melanie, you're in an extremely tough place right now. I thought of you when I was reading the end of EPL, where her friend was deported and separated from his wife. :-(

How is that going?

mom2brie,  8/18/2008 03:04:00 PM  

About families being pushed to the limit...so many families today do not have the extended family support nearby that they used to have. While it is great that people are able to be so mobile and fulfill dreams/careers, etc. I think we have lost something in the fact that a basic support system is gone. (Of course this is only true if families are actually supportive and not toxic!)

Also, when I grew up, it was like I had three moms - moms from the neighborhood. I don't think my daughter will have that blessing. Now we are lucky to know our neighbors' first names.

So, I can feel for the wives who are not supportive. I think it is representative of the fact that you'll say things to your loved ones that you'd never say to your acquaintances.

My dh's best trait - how hard he works. I know that if he would ever lose his job, he'd work 2-3 jobs at minimum wage to take care of me and dd.

Melanie Avila 8/18/2008 03:13:00 PM  

Our situation? Nothing will change until we hear from the DHS this winter. We'll be told yay or nay then. It's tough and we have lots of talks so we can tell each other we don't hate each other, we hate the situation. We each have our own stressors that the other doesn't have to deal with.

Meanwhile, I'm excited to go home in Sept (after Acapulco, of course) and we should be getting that puppy soon!

Angie 8/18/2008 04:49:00 PM  

"Supportive" is a great word, and describes it perfectly. [nod] My husband loves me to bits, and is incredibly supportive in the face of a lot of adversity. I have multiple health issues, and our life together isn't what we envisioned when we got married. He's always there for me, though, supporting me and taking care of me and he never complains about it. I can't imagine being without him.

Angie

Zoe Winters 8/18/2008 06:25:00 PM  

awwww that's so sweet! I love that Tom is so supportive of my writing. And the direction I want to go with it. In some areas he's very hands on helping me, like with setting up things for the podcast, and with my website layout and such. Anything technical, he's my man.

But he also has the wisdom to back off and not micromanage stuff that's mine. It's my baby. And while he'll offer an ear or advice when I need it, he won't try to micromanage or take over my projects. Which is something much appreciated, because sometimes supportive people turn into "taking over the entire project" people.

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 08:02:00 PM  

Mom2brie, he would! God, I loved hearing her voice tonight. I can't believe how much she's talking! Are you doing anything Labor Day weekend?

I'm a little bit the opposite in that respect. I guess somewhere along the way I noticed that sometimes people say more hurtful things to those they love than to strangers, and somehow one of my founding goals has always been to speak more kindly to those I love than I would to acquaintances or strangers.

I'm sure I fail often, but I try.

But given all my issues that you know about, LOL, just the word "family" has me wanting to run and hide under the covers. So I can agree with you, too.

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 08:05:00 PM  

Wow, Melanie. Yay or nay. That sounds so final and scary. Well, keep us updated. We'll all send tons of good thoughts!

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 08:06:00 PM  

Oh, Angie, that's wonderful! I got sick in my twenties, and most of my friends just kinda gradually phased out. It's tough. I knew a lot of people with my illness whose partners just divorced them: they couldn't deal with it.

spyscribbler 8/18/2008 08:09:00 PM  

That's a good point, Zoe. Micro-managing definitely crosses the line, maybe even arguably to not supportive.

That's cool that he's such a tech wizard! I struggle to figure things out.