Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Waiting Room

I haven't been talking about writing lately. I'm in the grinding stage: the end, where the words eke out one letter at a time. I'm just waiting to finish so I can move on to the next project. I'm even waiting for that and one more project to be finished, because I need a dose of Shiny New Idea Joy.

I'm in the waiting stage for DH to come home. And I've been making certain changes in my life, a ton of big changes and little changes, and I'm just waiting for those to blossom. I've made some big changes in my students' curriculum. Those changes won't blossom until May, at the earliest, and possibly later.

DH and I are both working toward some long-term, huge life-changing goals. So I'm waiting as patiently as I can for those.

I'm waiting for my foot to heal, I'm waiting to get back to TKD, and I'm waiting for the finances to work out the last kinks of a rough spot and realize they're in steady waters.

Every single minute of my day seems focused on a long term goal.

Which leaves me feeling like I'm sitting in one big waiting room.

Just waiting.

Ever feel like that?

24 bonus scribbles:

Amy Nathan 8/28/2008 08:18:00 AM  

I understand sitting in life's waiting room, Spy. At one point I turned around and realized that I had spent 10 years waiting for the future, actively planning for when things would be different, when we'd do this or that, go here or there, be whomever. And while I lived those years, I didn't embrace them the way I could have if my anticipation of the future was a bit tempered. We have to plan, we have to wait for some things, for some people.

But if you only life for what may be, what is gets lost.

And really, that's all we have.

Don't do so that one day you can..

Don't not (I know, double neg) so that one day you won't...

Hanging your hopes only the future means you lose now.

spyscribbler 8/28/2008 10:33:00 AM  

I agree with you, Amy. On the other hand, I think I'm a little too oriented your way, usually. This is just a period where I have to "catch up," so to speak.

And, now that you put it that way, I'm at least making the future happen, you know? That pleases me. I'm not really just waiting, but it sure feels like it.

Edie 8/28/2008 10:37:00 AM  

I love Amy's comment and wish I'd written it. I do have goals that I'm working toward, but I don't like waiting rooms. I've spent time in them and I prefer living rooms. :)

Eric Mayer,  8/28/2008 11:00:00 AM  

I am usually racing to meet some deadlines, bu t the same time waiting for things to happen that never do. One thing, though, I don't have as long to wait for my really long term goals as I did thirty years ago. Rather a mixed blessing.

Erica Orloff 8/28/2008 11:32:00 AM  

Hi Spy:
This was a really hard summer for me. I spent some time grieving--my sister and her four children moving away from me, oldest leaving home. Some financial "crap." Feeding a family of six getting harder and harder in terms of money. But I slogged along knowing at some point the fog would lift. Right now . . . I feel pretty good, like perhaps a corner has been turned. But in general, like Amy . . . life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. I try to live in each day. In each moment.

E

StarvingWriteNow 8/28/2008 12:15:00 PM  

There are things in life worth waiting for.

There are things in life not worth waiting for.

And there are things that I want to wait for (like The G, for example) but I will not put my life on hold for a maybe.

Pick your battles.

spyscribbler 8/28/2008 01:20:00 PM  

Edie, I agree. All of my current waiting rooms are absolutely necessary. But... yeah, remembering to take the simple pleasures and smell the roses? Definitely important.

spyscribbler 8/28/2008 01:22:00 PM  

LOL, Eric, that is a mixed blessing. That's how I feel at the moment. In the next month, in the next WEEK, I have so much to do! And at the same time, I'm just waiting for several long-term things. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

spyscribbler 8/28/2008 01:25:00 PM  

Erica, you are SO lucky to have that kind of family. It really sucks that you guys have to be so far apart!

The financial crap just killed me. I'm doing a number of things. I felt the energy shift a few weeks ago, but I swear to God, it felt like it was moving a mountain.

And you're right. It is a balance, though. If you don't plan for the long-term, you never get what you want. And I want those things BAD, lol!

spyscribbler 8/28/2008 01:26:00 PM  

Writenow, that's exactly it. Gosh, I take so many words to say such simple things, sometimes.

I keep trying to stop using so many words.

Christa M. Miller 8/28/2008 05:43:00 PM  

Well, for a number of years I was waiting to feel financially secure. (Finally happened this past year, just in time for this non-recession.) And now we are waiting on whether we move south, though it's not looking likely this year.

That, of course, means waiting for other things. Like some of those long-term life goals you mentioned (my DH wants to stay home with the kids and let me write full-time), and it also makes it really hard to put down roots in the community you're in - do I want to make friends with other kindergarten moms, or not? (I have a tendency to leave friends behind when I move. Bad habit from growing up moving around.)

Anyway, I understand the waiting. Hope yours isn't too long.

Bernita 8/29/2008 04:18:00 AM  

Sometimes it sounds like "jam yesterday, jam tomorrow but never jam today." Still, we need those someday goals or we're gerbils.

spyscribbler 8/29/2008 11:38:00 AM  

Christa, that is AWESOME! I am dying to feel financially secure. Well, I do right now and it's great, but we're not backed-up secure yet.

Sounds like you're preparing for some wonderful life changes! We're going for a lifestyle change, too.

spyscribbler 8/29/2008 11:39:00 AM  

Bernita, yeah. You're right. I guess it's best to have a mixture. It just seems to have worked out that it's all tomorrow at the moment.

Love the analogy about the gerbils!

Christa M. Miller 8/29/2008 11:57:00 AM  

Well, when you put it that way Spy, we're in the same boat. I actually have no idea what's going to happen this winter, and it scares me. It is but one reason why I'm just as glad my older boy will be in school full-time this year... I *think* and hope I'll be able to work with his brother home...

The biggest thing for me I think is waiting for both boys to be out of the house at least part time so I can get back to work, in whatever form that takes!

spyscribbler 8/29/2008 12:01:00 PM  

You're strong, Christa. To be honest with you, I'm an emotional mess when things are on the edge. I guess it's just one of my weak buttons, LOL. We're on good footing at the moment, I'm grateful.

It's just, the energy needs to keep flowing the way it is. And I think it is. Just keep working hard, I guess.

spyscribbler 8/29/2008 12:01:00 PM  

Oh, and I hope the good energy keeps flowing for you! Have you ever noticed that once you get things on solid ground, things start flowing forward SO much quicker?

I hope it's that way for you this winter!

Christa M. Miller 8/29/2008 12:14:00 PM  

Oh hon, you should have seen me three years ago... talk about emotional messes! I HATED being on the edge all the time. I hated that my income, which was always designed to provide savings, often saved our butts on things like groceries.

DH's new job has really helped a lot, but if I could work more, I would feel a lot better. Thanks so much for the well wishes for this winter - I do have some opportunities that did come up when we were on more solid ground (how true!) and I really hope they pan out!

Christa M. Miller 8/29/2008 12:15:00 PM  

Also - hoping the same for you!!

Melanie Avila 8/31/2008 05:48:00 PM  

Do I ever feel like I'm just waiting? Yes. :) Every day. Not thinking about it helps and having short-term goals along the way helps, too.

My big goal is hearing from the DHS this winter so we can move on with our lives. In the meantime I have a trip home, a possibly puppy, and a visit from my best friend to make the time pass more quickly.

We try to appreciate what we DO have here so we aren't bitter crankypants all the time. ;)

spyscribbler 9/01/2008 09:11:00 AM  

Christa, I was a TOTAL emotional mess this summer. I just can't live like that. I get panic attacks waiting for checks to arrive!

spyscribbler 9/01/2008 09:12:00 AM  

Melanie, short-term goals are awesome, yes, I need to do that. They do say that if you want to get to the top of a mountain, it's best not to focus on the top of the mountain, but to focus on the next step. And eventually you'll get there.

But a new puppy! Yay! Won't it have to live in quarantine for a couple months when you come back to the States?

Melanie Avila 9/01/2008 12:13:00 PM  

We visited the vet this morning - the puppies will be born in 20 days. Then we have to wait 6-8 weeks. *sigh*

If they get all their shots and you have ironclad documentation, pets can get through without quarantine. We know of people who've had it go both ways, so it's a guessing game. I keep debating if we should wait, but Chihuahuas are MUCH cheaper here. Something like $200, where in the US they can cost $1000.

spyscribbler 9/03/2008 04:23:00 PM  

Oh, Melanie! I'm so jealous! I am THIS close to getting a dog before DH gets home. I don't know.