I was going to post about relaxation, but Edie, Marcia, and Erica have me thinking about goals and dreams. Edie talks about this stuff a lot: she's really good at all the positive thinking, visualizing, and all that stuff.
She's heard me complain more than once that I don't dream of certain things I feel I should be dreaming of.
I remember, when I first started this blog, I was dying to get my real name in Borders. I did it. Cool. (And then I realized it didn't mean much. I'm glad I did it, but... it's definitely no longer a motivator.)
Things have changed. With DH being gone to work for months at a time, my goals changed. My overwhelming life goal, my overwhelming dream, is for DH and I to be able to live every day together. I don't want to live alone. I don't like it, it's lonely, and what is life without love? Without the person I love most in the world? What kind of life is that?
I love being with DH.
And I have some goals, like make X amount of money so DH doesn't have to go away, put X amount of money in savings so we can live our dream lifestyle, etc.
My family is DH. I want my family together. That's not a lack of independence. It's just... there are things more important than a career. People who say wanting to be with someone is a lack of independence already have love. They have kids, they have sisters, brothers, family, friends.
It is not the human condition to be alone.
So the problem comes when my dream to have my little family together overwhelms everything else. Like, I don't care how I make the money, I just want us to be together. I don't care whether pseudo or real name writes, I just want it to make DH and I be able to be together.
So I'm trying to make a dream board, trying to focus on goals, but they feel so false. I'm not in the slightest bit enthusiastic about them. I feel like my list is things I should want.
But maybe that's okay. Maybe if I make the board and look at the things I should want, I'll start to get more excited about them and want them more.
I don't know.
Any thoughts? Ever have to train yourself to want something? Did it work? Ever feel like you want one thing so much, that you can't get yourself to care about anything else?