Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Grateful for Gratitude

image It's not that I wasn't grateful. I was. But many years, I don't look forward to the obligatory Thanksgiving/gratitude post. It sort of ends up feeling like a What-I-Did-Over-Summer-Break essay assignment.

Not this year.

I was just thinking, last weekend, that I'm so grateful this year, I can't wait to write my Thanksgiving post. I didn't know I could do it on Wednesday, but since everyone else is, I want to put it up right away.

Still, I'm tempted to write variations of I don't have that, but I'm grateful for this.

Why is that?

Thanksgiving is a time of taking stock of all that we are grateful for, and how can you turn a blind eye to those things you hope to be grateful for someday?

Anyway, my list is small this year, and I'm grateful for that, first of all. I don't want clutter in my life. I don't want things. I don't want stuff. I don't want lots to keep track of. I've gotten rid of lots of things, and I hope to get rid of more in the next year. I can't explain why this is so important to me, but it's a huge need inside me, an obsession.

image I'm grateful Glenn is home. I'm grateful he will only be gone three more times, even though I'm dreading his absences.

I'm grateful for my best friend, who is just amazing, and accepts and loves me even when I blurt the stupidest things. I'm so grateful she calls me, and the fact that she image has made me an honorary aunt of her daughter brings me to tears often. I love and adore both of them with all my heart.

I am so beyond grateful for blogging buddies. So, so, thankful. image You are a big part of my day, one of the "special" things. I am grateful for you on a daily basis: I'm thrilled when you post a blog, when you pop by to lend a comment. You make me feel part of a community, and I'm so grateful.

I'm grateful for music and my students. I love and learn so much from both, I can't even begin to list. Music is always there, you know?

I'm so grateful for the ability to write, and the outlets I have to do so. I am so lucky in my writing journey; I wouldn't trade it for the world. Not one bit of it. It has truly been perfect for me. I'm grateful for reading books, for people who write books.

Even the buts I shouldn't share are a short list this year. I might wish for a little more money, but mostly just so I could do a little more for the world. (See above: I want less things.) I feel like I need to do more. But the universe blessed me with words, if nothing else, so I'll use those.

I could wish Glenn were home all year long. I could wish for a child: that's definitely at the top of the list. If the universe has a different purpose for me, I think I can accept that. Still, Glenn is older than I am, and if we end up normal, I will spend a significant part of my life without any image family. He has been the only "true" family in my entire life, and I've spent a great deal of my life longing for a family. It's an inevitable adopted thing; it's not like I don't have a mother and a stepfather and stepbrothers. But they're weird. You just can't feel safe, but maybe feeling safe in a family is a myth. I really don't know. My mother has changed, so perhaps I can, a little, but she will be gone when Glenn is gone, most likely.

So that is my life at the moment.

What are you grateful for? What do you hope to be grateful for in a year's time? Five years? What are you grateful for, that perhaps others might feel is a hardship?

36 bonus scribbles:

Merry Monteleone 11/26/2008 01:13:00 PM  

There is the family of your birth, and then there is the family of your choosing... sometimes they overlap - I'd have chosen my children, brothers and parents... I'd have ditched the cousins and most of the aunts and such...they're not nice people. But there are other people who I choose, who are mine as completely. The family of your choosing is more important I think. I'm thankful for both.

So don't think of it as being without family - your friend and her daughter sounds like family of your choosing... there are probably others, too... and your students sound amazing.

Have a happy thanksgiving, Spyscribbler. I'm crossing my fingers that you get even more of the 'buts' out of your list in the coming year. :-)

Realmcovet 11/26/2008 01:22:00 PM  

So beautifully written. You have pretty much spoken all that is in my own heart in regards to what I'm thankful for. Warms the heart just in time for Thanksgiving!! (and Black Friday!!)

Melanie Avila 11/26/2008 01:35:00 PM  

Another beautiful post. All of you are determined to make me cry today. I've had three things happen just this week - in the space of 4 days - that I'm very grateful for.

One thing I'm grateful for that others may not wish for is the fact that we have no money. Clearly I'd rather be comfortable, but living this way has taught me a lot about what's important, and I know I will take these lessons with me when we leave.

Rhonda Stapleton 11/26/2008 02:23:00 PM  

YAY!!! Great post. ((hugs)) happy thanksgiving, tootsie!!

Stephen Parrish 11/26/2008 03:01:00 PM  

Thanks, Natasha, for being my blogging buddy.

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 03:03:00 PM  

Merry, that's a great way to put it. And I am so thankful for my best friend and her daughter. I don't mean to leave out her husband, LOL, it's just we never get a chance to talk much. :-)

Right back at you, Merry! Happy Thanksgiving!

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 03:04:00 PM  

Realmcovet, it's a good time of year for heart-warming. And HOW could I forget Black Friday??? It's all Glenn has been talking about for weeks!

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 03:09:00 PM  

I'm grateful for you, Melanie! And I totally get that. The worst I've ever had it is when I had twenty dollars to last a month, but even then, I had some leftover dried noodles, a few cans of baked beans and such. I was freaked, LOL.

But this year, I had an epiphany: all I need is Glenn and my laptop (because that's where writing and lots of my friends are). If I lost everything else, it would be okay. It was such a comforting feeling, you know? It's such a relief. Does that sound ridiculous?

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 03:10:00 PM  

Happy Thanksgiving, Rhonda!

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 03:10:00 PM  

Right back at you, Stephen. Thanks for being you!

Melanie Avila 11/26/2008 03:20:00 PM  

That's not ridiculous at all. :)

hugs.

Amy Nathan 11/26/2008 03:23:00 PM  

I hope that the rest of your life you feel as good as your posts make all of us feel. It seems like you have a good head on your shoulders and know what is important. I think there is difference between wanting something or wanting more -- and realizing that you're ok without it.

Friends are the family you meet along the way. As someone who hasn't lived near family in 20 years, I believe that. I also know that the most important beings are the ones under my roof. I take care of them/us and the rest kind of falls into place.

I'm grateful for connections - and the ability to make and maintain them.

Kath Calarco 11/26/2008 03:40:00 PM  

I'm thankful to see Rhonda Stapleton posting at your blog. Reminds me to send her off an email. lol.

I'm grateful to have survived by past without regret. That's all I got. Gotta save the rest for my Thanksgiving blog, lol.

Edie 11/26/2008 04:07:00 PM  

Spy, I'm grateful we somehow discovered each other and I get to read your posts that touch my heart.

My dog's collar broke this morning. When she gets loose, she runs in wide circles -- including the house across the street -- and won't come in until she's ready. So I'm grateful right now she's inside and no one ran her over.

LaDonna 11/26/2008 05:39:00 PM  

Spy, you're an amazing gal, and I love stopping by your place and sharing with you. As a blog friend, you've shown the beautiful sparkles that you are, and I love that! Keeping it real as always, and with such beauty.

I'm grateful for my family, and the smiles they bring. I'm grateful for my friends, and the sharing. And I'm grateful for the lessons learned along the way, so I can let go of the stuff that doesn't matter. I'm grateful for life, and the things we can all dream of and make happen...for ourselves and each other.

Janna Qualman 11/26/2008 07:06:00 PM  

What a great, great post, Spy. You've got a great outlook! Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving. :)

mom2brie,  11/26/2008 07:30:00 PM  

Aww, you bring me to tears - and you brighten my heart!!!
I am grateful to have you as my best friend - and of course I always love you, and you do NOT blurt out stupid things!!!! I am grateful that you allow me to repeat the same things over and over and over again. I am grateful that you love me. I am grateful that I can call you and share my life with you much in the same way that I did with my Mom. You keep me sane and you keep me strong.

I am grateful for my Brie - she has brought me more joy than I have ever known, and we will ALWAYS be your family!

I am grateful that my Mom is no longer suffering. I am grateful that although my family has had challenges and stresses this year, we never broke, although as you know there were (are) definite cracks.

I am grateful that I discovered your blog - I get to see/read new sides of my best friend - what a joy that has been.

By the way, I LOVE the pic of Glenn!

I love you, my dear, dear friend :)

Robin 11/26/2008 07:35:00 PM  

Spy, that was so sweet! I feel all smooshy! I'm grateful for you and all my bloggy friends. You're terrific, and you've really enriched my life.

So, anyway, can I have all your stuff?

(I couldn't resist.) Happy Thanksgiving! :)

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 08:13:00 PM  

Amy, you make me blush. You are so right about family. I think I just long for more people under my roof. Which is silly, I know.

I love what you say about wanting, etc. You said something really good along those lines, a few months back, about being grateful every day. I remembered it for a long time. Now the memory of your exact words is gone, LOL, but the essence is there. :-)

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 08:15:00 PM  

Kath, she is a quiet one, isn't she? I'm always grateful when she pops out of hiding. :-)

I fear regret. It is a blessing to live without it, for sure!

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 08:18:00 PM  

Edie, ohmigosh, when I first read that, I saw only the first part and my heart stopped! I feared the rest of the sentence, once I clicked through, was going to be bad news. I am SO glad she's okay. Pets are such companions of pure love, so steady and true.

Your posts do, too, Edie! Ya' guys are making me feel all embarrassed and teary. Shucks, I'm going to cry.

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 08:20:00 PM  

LaDonna, you guys, too! Do you know Magical Musings is the blog I always wanted to grow up and be someday? I think you guys are a very special group of people, very special.

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 08:20:00 PM  

Janna, you too! And my outlook alters with my hormones too much, but I try. :-)

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 08:31:00 PM  

I love you, mom2brie! I can't wait until Brie's b-day party. I am grateful your mom is at peace, that you are who you are. You have always been my inspiration. I don't know how I keep you strong, because you are the strongest person I know. You got that from your mom, though. I always respected and admired that in you two.

spyscribbler 11/26/2008 08:33:00 PM  

I think you're something terrific, Robin. And I feel all smooshy and embarrassed, too!

LOL, yes, please, ohmigosh, take it all! I hate stuff. I don't know what's got into me. :-)

colbymarshall 11/26/2008 11:13:00 PM  

I'm grateful for so many things this Thanksgiving, and when I start listing things (list on my blog tomorrow), I am sure that when I complain about anything I'm just being horrible because I have so much to be thankful for. Thanks for the great post.

Heather Harper 11/26/2008 11:30:00 PM  

I've been DOING non stop since noon today and almost forgot about composing the annual post.

Sigh. Brain is fried.

Your post was lovely, though. :-)

I'm grateful for the basics. I moan about past due medical bills, but as my husband is currently employed I can't complain.

Robin Bielman 11/27/2008 01:41:00 AM  

I'm thankful we've been introduced, Spy! Best wishes for a wonderful holiday!

Jill Wheeler 11/27/2008 09:35:00 AM  

Thanks for the comment on my blog.

I loved this post; it was so eloquent and made me feel hopeful.

I, too, wish for a baby and hope that I will be grateful for either being pregnant or for my newborn in a year's time.

I hope you get everything you wish for, too!

spyscribbler 11/27/2008 11:57:00 AM  

Aw, Colby, you are such a good person. But then, George Carlin says the root of all great artistic endeavor is dissatisfaction. :-)

spyscribbler 11/27/2008 11:59:00 AM  

Heather, I understand about bills. That's tough. Unemployment is up to 8-9% in Ohio, and is expected to go up from that. It was at 15% in the Depression, so that's a bit scary.

So yeah, employment is definitely something to be grateful for.

spyscribbler 11/27/2008 12:00:00 PM  

Me, too, Robin! I love how the blogosphere works like that. Have a great Thanksgiving!

spyscribbler 11/27/2008 12:01:00 PM  

Awww, Jill, I hope that for you, too. Wouldn't that be just wonderful? Such a joy.

Happy Thanksgiving, Jill!

spyscribbler 11/27/2008 12:02:00 PM  

Happy Thanksgiving, Melanie! :-)

Persistent Pen 11/29/2008 01:40:00 AM  

You seem so sweet. I enjoyed reading this very much.

I am grateful for my life and even though I don't see them often now, I am grateful for my two kids. (long story involving a mean woman who hates me now).

I am glad I have a good mother and father and my best friend (also my brother) and all the people I meet and greet with on the Net.

Nice to meet ya Hon.